Why is my life such a mess?

Filled with all sorts of thoughts and stress.

I need to filter siphon and make sense

But instead it gets worse I get tense

Irritation impulsion emotional dread

So much goes on in my little head.

They give it a label call it BPD

What does it mean where does it leave me?

One day I wake up as happy as Larry

The next my head is sore and hard to carry

My shoulders can’t bear the weight

The feelings close in I feel I am going to suffocate

An internal scream needs to be heard

The angel the devil my thoughts are always third

They say you just need to learn control

But it’s much harder than they think or know

In your mind you know what’s right

But you can’t see past the fight to the light

I can’t filter siphon or decipher

To me I feel like a borderline lifer

I know deepdown that it’s not true

But where do I start what do I do?

My head says yes then it says no

If I am lucky sometimes all my thoughts go

I don’t mean to hurt or upset

When I do it leaves me in constant debt

Debt to guilt and bad feelings I shout I scream

I leave people reeling I am not a bad person

And everyday I fear it will worsen

All I can do is try and try

And hopefully that will make me the better stronger guy.

Charlotte Sheppard