I sit in silence, thats just my life.
thoughts in my head, cutting like a knife.
people smile and try to be kind,
they never know what goes on in my mind.
how could they know, the despare that i feel.
i dont know myself, how to start to heal.
i've asked all the questions, the how and the why.
i just hit a wall, all i want to do is just die.
i've turned to god, in the midnight hour,
help me dear lord, you have the power.
remove the feelings of lost and dispare,
but my prayers just float, as there is no-one there.
The family worry, there,s lots of tears,
WHAT ABOUT ME, it falls on deaf ears.
HOW CAN YOU HELP ME, YOU DONT UNDERSTAND.
i try to explain, to make a stand.
I'm ill i say, on the inside not out,
my mind is not my own i begin to shout.
then more tears, on self pity i dwell,
if i killed my self, they will be happy in hell.
Then i see the upset i have caused all around,
the torment i have caused with out making a sound.
i thought i was doing right keeping it all inside,
but depression is EVIL and refuses to hide.
So i give in and go on the meds.
some days feeling like i had multiple heads.
laying in bed, wishing my life away,
but painting on my smile to meet the new day.
She must be getting well, i hear them all say,
when secretly inside i wish them away.
but still i smile and push it all down,
always a smile, trying never to frown.
I force it down so deep, i want to be sick,
watching each minute..tick..tock...tick.
the meds must be working, or so they are thinking
till i awake again with the feeling of sinking.
Why me? why my life? i scream in my head,
as i lay awake again in my hell called my bed.
this cant be it, this cant be all i have in my life,
each day having to lie, when it cuts like a knife.
Then i get well, my head feels like mine,
they must all be right, it must heal....the thing called time.
so i get back to it, being the old me again.
hoping never to hear the whistle of the depression train.
But it never goes far, that evil black cloud,
next time it comes, i,ll scream real load.
I BEAT YOU ONCE AND I,LL DO IT AGAIN,
I DONT HAVE A TICKET, SO I WONT RIDE ON YOUR TRAIN.