A ocean of questions, ebb on the edge of the sands of fear.
nobody spoke gentle words to me?
nobody looked into my eyes with care and attention?
nobody touched without taking?
I am alone, I thought.
I am unloved, I felt.
I am unheard, I whispered.
I lay so still so that my heart might stop,
stop pumping blood around my body, so that I couldn’t feel,
stop feeding my mind, so that I wouldn’t think.
I am unlovable, I thought.
I am in pain, I felt.
I must try harder, I whispered.
I watched myself from a distance,
and then simply switched myself off
until the room was silent,
and my body was left in a heaped, bloody mess on the floor,
Am I dead, I thought.
Maybe I deserve this, I felt.
May this is the last time, I whispered