Well my story - where do I start...

I was born in 1975 and had no major problems until i was 17. At 17 my father passed away and i was at boarding school.

When i was 19 i got a job that I really enjoyed. I was at this job until i was 23. The it all happened. I lost my job unfairly and couldn't handle all the rejection letters that i got in the post for other jobs. I went and seen my Doctor when things got so bad that i just didn't want to be here anymore. She put my on anti depressants. I tried Prozac first and found that this made me worse. I then went on to try Tripress and this didn't do me any good either. I tried another couple and then my gp decided that i needed specialist help and referred me to a Psychiatrist.

I was then put on to Ciprimal and this was ok for about a year and a half and then it stopped working. My psych added Epilim to the mixture to help me with my moods. This was ok, but i pilled on the weight and become really self conscious and thought that suicide was the only option.

I went to see my Psych and she put me in hospital and this was scary as I thought that the "Mental ward" at the hospital was worse than what it was. I was in hospital for about 3 weeks and came home and felt a lot better.

I was ok for about another year and then all of a sudden i felt like crap.

My psych tried me on aropax and this did ok for another couple of years. I had been in and out of the ward a few times.

At the beginning of this year i found that if i self harmed then i felt better. My psych thought that maybe i needed a change in meds again and tried me on Effexor and i hit rock bottom.

I have just come home from 8 weeks in the psych ward and this was not pleasant. They took me off the effexor and i self harmed prob 7 - 8 times a day. Then they added Seroquel to the mixture and i felt ok. About a week before i came home i asked the dr to re assess things and he did and put my meds up.

I have been home just on 3 weeks and i am still struggling. I have a community nurse that visits me once a week and a counsellor that i am trying to contact as well as seeing a psychologist. This is hard. It has only been in the last 10 weeks that i have been diagnosed with BPD. Before then they say i suffered from depression.

I am trying to learn as much as i can about BPD as i feel that i don't understand it.

So here i am today - on seroquel 175mg twice a day and an extra 50mg during the day if i need it. I have been up and down and have had more bad days than good.

I just wanted to share my story and hope that maybe it will help someone and let them know that there are others out there that are feeling the same.

All my love,

sun-shine.