I am the middle of five children. We are close in age, with my brother the oldest. I have two younger, and one older sister.

My brother sexually molested each one of us. It was hard to say no when you knew that if not you, then your younger sister. My parents would send us to do chores with him, and if we tried not to go, we were the bad ones. He once turned a tractor over on himself and broke his leg. We got yelled at because he was alone - no thank God none of the little girls were along. He had power over the whole house, treating us and our parents any way he wanted. We watched them hand it over to him. My father is an alcoholic and joined AA 25 years ago. My sisters and I are still waiting for him to make amends to us for not providing us with a safe home, but I guess it's not happening.

I was sexually active at a young age with other boys, and became pregnant at 15. We married a year after my son was born, and went on to have another son, then divorced. My husband was the meanest, scariest man I ever met, and I was lucky to get out alive. We were in therapy together for a short time - when he baled out, I stayed, and became overly attached and dependent on my therapist.

After a year with no car and only able to work part time and not handling matters very well, I let my boys go live with their dad's parents. I had problems during this time with drugs and alcohol but did get that under control long enough to marry again. That marriage didn't work either because he was eastern European and we were too different. I was then alone for several years and again had problems with drugs and alcohol. I moved to another state, and determined to begin a new life. I spent much time soul searching, and eventually built a good reputation here.

I then was able to meet good people, and married an angel who has given me a good life. We have five boys between us and they are all adults now. I have had a good, rewarding job for 10 years. My moods, while fluctuating more than I would have liked, were managable. I had more problems and always have had more problems with my memory of current events in my life and misunderstandings with people in my current life. Several months ago I had major surgery, and suffered some stress from that which seems to have caused a bit of a flare-up. I am feeling good today, and when I feel good, I can't believe I'll ever feel that badly again. Then it comes around again, and I can't believe I'll ever feel good again.

Thanks for the reading.